Letting it kill me…

I’ve been relaxing and decompressing after all the stress of my move and it seems wasn’t doing so hot. I picked up the TV remote and let it start to kill me.

The more I tried to decompress the more tightly I’m wound up. I decided to try and lay low, to just settle into my new place for a couple of weeks without going out much, without getting amped up about making too many contacts. This decision came as I noticed setting up house was expensive, and I could in fact be flat broke. So my last two weeks have been a lot of netflix and a few cocktails, more cookies than I care to mention, and all of this basically because I was just waiting for my first round of bills to come in. If I survived in good shape then I can be a bit more liberal with my time, I can hand out flyers that say, “I’M HERE! COME PLAY WITH ME!” And now that I know I’m not completely and totally broke, I feel… no different.

This of course is not at all genuinely surprising. This is really a moment when after getting a little burnt out on the stress of moving house (and having a place that is completely and totally my own for the first time) I’ve given in to my resistance. I’m nervous and uncomfortable in social situations with new people, and now there is more staked on that than usual because I’ve moved to this city so that I could start at least one major professionally creative endeavor. I have not been CREATING since I’ve come here, but having had this realization its time to fix it. 

Perhaps in a subconscious victory over my resistance (thats called jiu-sistance*), I have been wasting my time in progressively better ways over the last week or so. Reading more about business practices and marketing and being a creative than about congressional gridlock and wizards defeating daemons, sounds like a step in the right direction, but really its still kind of a cop out. Yeah, I have a lot of learning to do, and reading about people who were me not that long ago is a path to that. However, What do these people write about? Mistakes.

Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes. Does preparation yield mistakes? No. Although being ill-prepared can make them all the more spectacular. Does reading about other’s experience yield mistakes? No. Only action yields mistakes, and mistakes lead to learning. So its time to get creating. Its time to start making mistakes. Its time to start learning. Its time to pick up something I love and let it start killing me.

If you need a creative pick me up today, go read this from James Rhodes:


If you’ve seen it before go read it again. If you haven’t seen it before and you don’t think you need that pick me up today, YOU ARE PROBABLY WRONG, read it NOW!

*jiu-sistance is a thing I made up to make myself feel better about my cleverly harnessing the intent and thrust of my creativity into high-level resistance and procrastination. Use it as you like.


Images from the Asylum

Originally known as “Kings’ County Asylum” this huge complex is perhaps more commonly known as “The Psych Center.” The former Kings Park Psychiatric Center was the subject of some documentary projects and countless local ghost stories. Such stories are to be expected in the case of an asylum which grew in the heyday of the pre-frontal lobotomy and electroshock therapy. This now disused psychiatric hospital which was founded in 1885 as a partially self-sufficient “farm colony asylum” and grew to its peak in the 1950s is now part of a 520 acre state park. So with all that history, this project was a long time in coming. As anyone knows, the projects that are just around the corner, most convenient or ostensibly easy are not always the ones that we tackle in a timely manner. In my case this was about an hour and a half of photographing (and 2 or three hours spent in processing) about 5 minutes from my home. As a park, a few of the colony-asylum’s buildings have been renovated for use as offices and maintenance garages, but most remain barred, and boarded decaying and being slowly reclaimed by nature. This inevitable breakdown of our great human endeavors makes for wonderful imagery. With the fuzzy and dark history of this particular place, you can almost see the pain of its one time inhabitants.

It was many times that I had told myself this would be a great location to do some HDR images. Mostly this was because my running habit brought me through the park with great regularity. But like so many ideas, it seems the very convenience of it was what prevented my accomplishing it. Now that plans for dismantling many of the site’s buildings are underway, the deadline was set. So, again, a simple external force is what helps me overcome my resistance. Even so, I’m pretty excited by the images that turned out. I hope you enjoy them too.